I don’t have much to say. There isn’t much I can say. I mainly just wanted to say goodbye.
You know, no one believes me, but I didn’t create my story with the intention of it becoming popular. How could I have predicted that? It’s eleven pages of crude crayon drawings.
I have created a lot more noteworthy things that I always hoped people might someday notice, or like. Imagine my surprise when one of the silliest things I made ended up being the thing that went viral.
It was cool for awhile. No one knows this, but my self-esteem is so low that I may as well have none at all. So, hearing that something I did was actually good… Well, I’d be lying if I said that it didn’t feel nice. It did.
There is a common misconception about me. There are several common misconceptions about me, inferred by people who know nothing about me and choose to simply make assumptions instead of finding out for themselves. I’m a nice person, kind of. I’m not one of those stuck-up diva types who ignores messages from fans. I will respond to anyone who says something to me, whether good or bad. So there is no reason that anyone shouldn’t take the time to learn at least one true thing about me before creating their own preconceptions about me, which always turn out to be misconceptions.
The number one most common of these misconceptions is that I am at all interested in fame. To the people who think that: I wish you could walk a mile in my shoes. Just get a taste of what kinds of grief “fame” has brought me. Attacks, harassment, threats, bullying, hacked accounts… People threatening to hurt me, people threatening my family. Do you think for a moment that I ever wanted that? Because I know the kinds of things that fame brings. People are killed by crazed fans. People kill themselves because they can’t handle the pressure.
This is not where I wanted my life to end up.
Another misconception is that I’m a shitty person. Well… okay, that isn’t the misconception; I would actually agree- I am a monster that the world will be much better off without. But the reason for that presumption is the misconception.
People like to say that I am greedy and “entitled.” Greedy, no. Not really at all. If I were greedy I would have sued everyone who ever used my work without permission.
I find it interesting, however, that the word “entitled” gets thrown around like an insult. Why shouldn’t I be entitled to the work that I have created? It’s absurd. And yet, so many people take that work, use it for profit (collectively making more from it than I ever have and ever will), and then attack me when I’m not okay with that.
And they’re somehow not the ones acting like big entitled babies? Great. Fine. Whatever.
I don’t care anymore. It was a mistake to have ever done something creative and unique. It was an even bigger mistake to try to share it with anyone, ever.
It’s over now. I’m done. You can have it. Just take it all. Obviously, everyone is entitled to it but me. So go ahead.
I mentioned that I am a piece of shit. And it’s not for any of the reasons that everyone likes to make it seem.
The truth is, I have always hated myself. I find my face ugly, my body disgusting, and my laughter obnoxious. I hate the way that I am weak and can’t let insults just bounce right off me. I hate that I have been struggling with depression and anxiety since I was in first fucking grade. I hate that I am socially awkward and have trouble making and keeping friends.
I hate how I can’t go more than a couple of months without changing my hair, because I’m an insecure piece of trash and I can’t stand to look the same for very long. It’s disgusting. I’m disgusting. There really is nothing good about me.
So from now on, when you get the itch to slam on me, at least now you know some things about me that are actually true and worth talking smack about.
But don’t bother trying to get a rise out of me anymore, because I’m going. I’m going away now, and I will never hear your many insults ever again. You win, see? You’re getting exactly what you’ve always wanted! I hope it is everything you hoped and dreamed it would be. Because for me, it hasn’t been.
And now, it never will be.